New Year

Tomorrow begins a fresh year. Let's hope that at least a few boys have read and learned from this blog. I would like to suggest a New Year's resolution for all of the boys who have girly ways. Your resolution should be: I will be a not be a girl this year, I will be a MAN! Feel free to use it as a mantra. Write it on your bathroom mirror so you see it morning and night.

For all of you boys who have accepted your girly ways, I applaud your good sportsmanship about the blog over the past year. At least sportsmanship has the word sport in it which makes it, and therefore you, a little manly. I hope you continue to be good natured about it in the coming year as I do plan to have more fun at your expense. Happy New Year everyone!!

Boys going to musicals

I was just having a conversation with a friend of mine who lives in San Francisco. He told me about a straight man who goes to see Phantom of the Opera several times a year. Not because his wife makes him, not because he has a crush on the girl playing the heroine, but because he loves musicals. Straight guys who like musicals? Really?

I don't know any guys who go to see musicals on their own or who would openly admit to enjoying musical theater. Maybe this is some kind of weird West Coast girly shit? I have a sneaking suspicion that San Francisco is a treasure trove of blog worthy material. I'll have to visit soon. Until then, let's just hope that kind of girly business does not start spreading east.

Boys eating at La Madeleine

While dining at the notoriously girly restaurant La Madeleine last night, I noticed something odd: most of the diners were boys. There were father and son pairs, a group of 20 something guys, two older men, etc. None of these boys had women with them and none appeared to be gay. Pretty much every man I know will only go into said establishment if he is accompanied by a woman who chose to eat there. I found it unsettling in the same way I would find it unsettling if a group of women chose to have dinner at BW3's on a Saturday night without the Olympics on TV. Why would a group of straight men eat at La Madeleine? Did they have a craving for salad and quiche? Were they in need of delicate pastries? The only logical conclusion I can come up with for boys choosing to eat at girly restaurants is that boys are the new girls.

Boys watching girl movies

I was watching Breakfast at Tiffany's the other night with some girl friends of mine. We began to discuss the wonder that is Audrey Hepburn (is it possible to avoid that discussion while watching Audrey?) when my friend mentions that she knows a boy with a collection of Audrey Hepburn movies. I'm not saying that all Audrey Hepburn movies are girly, but all of the ones I can name off the top of my head are. My Fair Lady, Sabrina, Roman Holiday, and the afore mentioned Breakfast at Tiffany's are some of the girliest movies I've ever seen. If you are not gay but are a man who owns a collection of girly movies, you are not a man. You are a girl.

Boys with girl hair

Ok so maybe I'm just getting old, but what is UP with boys and the flippy, straightened, slightly long hair with WAY too much product? I saw the Jonas Brothers on a magazine cover in the grocery store and I thought the middle brother's hair looked familiar. Low and behold the pictures above. Boys have started taking hair styling tips from Carol Brady. WTF?

I didn't think this boy was old enough to know who Carol Brady is, but apparently he (or maybe his mom) loves her hair. Maybe there is whole generation of boys whose mothers only know how to style hair like Carol Brady. Maybe those mothers with their limited beautician skills set to work on their sons' hair fearing that the boys would leave the house with bedhead. Maybe. Or maybe boys styling their hair after popular ladies of the 70's are girls.

Boys dancing like girls

I like a man who can dance. I find it endearing. But much like music, there is boy dancing and girl dancing. Boys can do a number of dances which are not inherently girly. However, I have noticed more and more boys throwing caution to the wind and shaking their asses like salt shakers. These were not men doing a salsa routine with a woman, these were boys alone on the dance floor shaking what their mama gave them. Here is a tip boys: swiveling your hips while waving your hands in the air is a girl dance. And it is not even a very good one. If these boys are at the club trying to pick up girls while imitating girly dances I have to ask: are they trying to pick up lesbians? Because, seriously, no self respecting girl will be wooed by a boy who steals her dance moves.

Boys and excessive manscaping

Before I begin, let me make it very clear that not all manscaping is bad. I would argue that more manscaping is better than less, even. However, there is a very fine line. For example, if you are an Olympic swimmer it is acceptable to shave every inch of your body. You have proved your manly endurance in the water and you have earned the right to be as hairless as a 6 year old girl without ridicule from me. If you are not an Olympic swimmer and you are totally hairless, I begin to wonder: ARE you a 6 year old girl?

Please boys, do not take this as the green light to grow Santa beards, let your chest hair grow long enough to be plaited, or quit waxing your back hair. None of those things are acceptable. In fact, I am ok with guys going to the spa to get their back hair waxed. I am even a proponent of it. Anywhere you have hair, I suggest you trim it regularly but shaving your whole body is just unnecessary. For the record, I'm not a fan of facial hair and would always prefer a clean-shaven face on a man. Clean-shaven body on the other hand just makes me think you have yet to hit puberty and could possibly be a girl.

Boys listening to girl music

Some music is made for dancing, some for art, some for rocking out, some to make a statement, some for boys and some for girls. I'm sure there are girls who listen to boy music. Why anyone of any gender would listen to metal is beyond me, but you can't deny that metal is for boys. In the same line of thinking, you can't deny that the Cardigans, Spice Girls, Ani DiFranco and the like is girl music. So, if you are a boy listening to girl music does that make you a girl? On this blog, it sure does.

Boys having bromances

The wait is over! Bromances should have been one of the first posts, but alas all good things are worth waiting for. For those of you who are not familiar with the term, Urban Dictionary defines bromance as: the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males. That does not sound so bad. Boys loving each other in a friendly way is perfectly acceptable. Isn't that what football is about? A bunch of guys running around tackling and slapping each other on the ass to form piles of man love? I bet my guy friends would very much disagree with their beloved sport being turned into a homoerotic romp. I digress.

Guys having bros is definitely nothing new, but the bromance (and its term being coined) shows a turn in the way guys are expressing feelings for each other. In the old days, let's say the 1980's- I'm thinking Weekend At Bernie's is a good example, guys would show their affection by going to sporting events, or hanging out at bars to pick up chicks, maybe going to a sports bar for dinner. In other words, doing things that girls don't generally want to do. These days boys talk on the phone with their guy friends. Not just "Hey want to watch the game on Sunday?" but real, involved conversations. They hug each other with all body parts touching, not the one armed partial handshake hug of yore. If you have seen Superbad, the snuggle scene is the ultimate bromantic scene in cinema possibly to this date. I think it is only a matter of time before boys start going to the bathroom in pairs.

Don't think that I'm against boys having feelings, or having close friends. I just think that if boys are choosing to bond through snuggling, or feel the need to accompany each other to the restroom, they should not cry when I call them girls.

Boys having bromances (prelude)

This is a place holder for when I am able to devote the proper amount of time to the topic. Prepare yourself, it is coming soon.

Boys giving me writers block

I have been a bit of a shut-in the last few weeks, which may explain my lack of material. I'm not yet ready to believe that boys have been taking ques from my blog and acting more like boys. So I'm pretty sure my problem is a bit of writer's block. No girl (or boy who is a girl) is an island, therefore I am reaching out for help. I ask of you, dear reader, have you spotted any boys acting like girls? If so, please leave me comments. I will ponder and write about your suggestions. I hope you have some! If you don't, I guess I'll have to start going out more. Is that really what you want?

Boys gossiping

So I actually witnessed this: a boy went out of his way to eavesdrop on a married couple's argument. I was at a birthday party with lots of married couples in attendance. One of the married couples walked off to the side basically out of earshot of the party population to talk. There was no yelling, but there were slightly exaggerated arm movements. The group I was standing with noticed the move but didn't think much of it until Gossip Boy, out of nowhere, says he going to find out what the drama is. No one suggested he do this. He thought of it all on his own. Gossip Boy is not married, he didn't really know the people who were arguing, he was simply feeling meddlesome. Gossiping has always been thought of as a girl's activity. There is a show called Gossip Girl for god's sake. If boys are sneaking around to find out random gossip, maybe they need their own show titled: Gossip Boys Are The New Girls.

Boys having monthly emotional outbursts (BMS)

PMS is a serious issue for lots of women. Mary J Blige wrote a poignant song about it (It's called PMS. If you have not heard it you should look it up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvWYIh50IEw and listen while you are reading this. I suggest you sing along with the hilarious backup singers.). I've noticed that several boys seem to have a form of PMS. They don't have bloating or cramps, but once a month for a few consecutive days they are irritable. Irritable is stating it mildly; bitchy is more correct. Let's call this phenomenon BMS (Bitchy Male Syndrome).

Case in point: a friend of mine is generally a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He is pleasant to be around, makes an effort not to get stressed about little things. But out of nowhere and about once a month, he will freak out if you ask a simple question. The question can be something like "Did you go to the movies last night?" His response will involve a rude retort along the lines of "Why are you asking what I did last night? Stay out of my business!" He may also end this response with door slamming. If I ask the same question a week earlier or later he would tell me about his evening at the movies, what he saw, who he went with, how he liked the movie, etc. This behavior can be classified as classic BMS. He is not the only boy I know who has BMS. The bitchy behavior is unpredictable and their actions at the time are completely irrational. I'm not suggesting that balls are turning into ovaries, however, boys having hormonal outbursts is further proof that boys are the new girls.

Boys wearing jewelry

Watches are fine. Cuff links are fine. Wedding rings are fine. Wearing all 3 at once is fine. Anything other than those 3 starts getting into questionable territory. Earrings are girly no matter what. Bracelets automatically make me think of Madonna, so unless you are a material girl they are a no-no. Necklaces are very tricky. Mr. T wore a multitude of necklaces at once, but I pity the fool who would complain to Mr. T about his fashion choices. And I don't care who's ass you can kick, if you are a man wearing a choker you are a girl. My jewelry rule is much like my cleavage rule: if you are showing more than me, you are more of a girl than me.

Boys wearing eyeliner

It is not as if boys wearing eyeliner is exactly new. Punk and Goths have been wearing it since the late seventies and possibly before. Guyliner as a statement of rebellion (or a constant state of forlorn-ness) has its place, I guess. But more recently, boys have been wearing eyeliner to make their eyes "pop!!". Take for example Nestor Carbonell*, an actor on Lost. I know what you are thinking: "All actors wear makeup, he does not count". And if we were talking about say George Clooney, or someone of the sort, I would agree. But we are not. Most of the actors on Lost are covered in dirt and sweat 99% of the time, but nary a one is wearing guyliner. Except for Carbonell. We are talking about a guy who is portraying someone living on a magical island with limited supplies and lots of heat and water. Heat and water are not friends of eyeliner, yet his eyeliner never runs or smears. He also wears it when not on set. I think he may have gotten the makeup tattoo! Getting perma-guyliner is taking girly to a whole new level.

And while I'm on the topic of boys wearing eyeliner, I have to bring up Pete Wentz*. He seems to be everywhere and I have never seen him sans liner. I think he's in some band. I don't know what kind of music he plays, but I know he is not a member of The Cure. Therefore, the only explanation I can come up with is that he is a girl. And if you are a boy wearing eyeliner, you are a girl as well.

*I know I promised early on to keep my subjects identities secret. I intend to do that still, but since these boys are famous I figure they are used to being called out. I promise to try to keep my call outs to a minimum.

Boys with Bags

I was waiting for my tacos at a restaurant yesterday and noticed that the older man across from me was carrying a man bag (aka a purse). Not a satchel, backpack or briefcase - a man bag. Now, girls have reasons for carrying purses. We need a place to put tampons and lip gloss and not all of our clothes have pockets. Men do not need tampons and most tend to stay away from the lip gloss. Also, their clothes come equipped with very useful pockets. Now, the man in question had a cell phone holder on his belt and a wallet in his back pocket. Obviously, there is only one possible explanation for this phenomenon. He is a girl.

Boys showing cleavage

I should not have to point out the problem with the boy in the picture, but incase you don't see it, here goes: boys should never, EVER wear deep v-neck shirts. My rule of thumb is that if a boy is showing more cleavage than me, he is more of a girl than me.

Boys with matching bathroom accoutrement

This was surprising to me as I have not seen it firsthand, but according to a very reliable source boys are now decorating their bathrooms. Matching towels folded just so, coordinated with the toothbrush holder, which is the same shade as the soap dish, and all accessories match the shower curtain. The bathroom in question had perfectly folded full-sized towel topped with a perfectly folded hand towel and topped with a perfectly folded face towel. The towels in question were clean. Since I did not see this for myself, I will assume that all of the surfaces were immaculate as well.

These boys are single. The bathroom is not the public house bathroom but a personal private bathroom. Maybe mom decorated the bathroom for him? Either way, that is some girly shit.

Boys giving out their numbers/waiting for girls to call.

Let's say you are a single girl. You go to a bar/club/coffee shop/restaurant/ etc. You meet a single guy who seems normal/heterosexual/interesting/attractive/ etc. You have a lovely conversation with the aforementioned guy and at the end of the night you exchange numbers. Now, considering that you are a girl you might go home a give him a few days to call you. At the end of 2 or 3 days you may begin to wonder why he has not called. Maybe you call him and maybe you don't. Chances are if you call him, you will find out that he was waiting for YOU to call.

I think women should ask men out and call men on their own terms. I also think men should appreciate when a woman makes an effort to show a man she finds him attractive. With that being said, it seems that boys have given up the man's role altogether. They WILL NOT call a girl first and wait for the girl to make the first move. It's like boys have been watching movies from the 50's and taking their modern dating cues from demure girls. Apparently boys think it is attaractive to let the girls do all the work. When did it become standard practice for boys to wait for girls to make their intentions known in the world of dating? I'll tell you when: when boys became the new girls.

Boys going to the spa.

Not the shady 24 hour "adult massage" spa, but the mani/pedi, facial,and tanning GIRL spa. I personally know a guy who had a facial. He shall remain nameless (after all this is research and subjects' true identities will not be exposed), but I can tell you he is straight, 29 years old, and was in the Army. THE ARMY!! Isn't the Army supposed to take boys and turn them into tough, rugged fighters? By all accounts the Army is not a place for girls. In fact, I think if you join the Army and you have a vagina they issue a strap-on to make you more manly (this is just hear-say, of course). So why would a boy who has had specific training on how to be the manliest of men get a facial? Was he worried about zits, wrinkles, and sunspots? Was his skin tone uneven? Maybe. I think my conclusion is much closer to the truth: boys are the new girls.

You may think this particular boy is an anomaly. You would be wrong. I know a few boys who have had mani/pedi's and I know even more boys who have visited tanning beds. Please do not make the mistake of thinking that I do not appreciate a man who is well groomed. Grooming is important and necessary. However, if a boy spends more time in a spa than I do and receives treatments that only the girliest of girls request, then that boy is a girl.

Introduction

This blog is dedicated to the scientific (and by scientific I mean speculative and catty) discussion of a growing trend among males: they are becoming girls. I don't mean becoming girls in the literal sense; they are not having sex change operations or cross-dressing (well maybe some are, but those are not the boys being referred to in this blog). The boys discussed here are becoming girls in their reactions to situations, their mannerisms, their grooming habits, their emotional outbursts... The list goes on. The behavioral change is such a growing phenomenon that I would like to put fourth a hypothesis: boys are the new girls.


I intend to flesh out my hypothesis with examples of the shift in future posts. It is possible that in the near future phrases like "He cried like a little GIRL when his football team lost" will be replaced with "He cried like a little BOY when his football team lost". I suggest that heterosexual males roughly between the ages of 21-40 exhibit the greatest displays of girly behavior. By girly, I mean little girl. As in the kind of behavior you would expect from girls ages 7-16.


I realize this kind of forward thinking may be shocking to some, but in the end I think we will all be wiser and better informed about this alarming trend.