Boys wearing jewelry

Watches are fine. Cuff links are fine. Wedding rings are fine. Wearing all 3 at once is fine. Anything other than those 3 starts getting into questionable territory. Earrings are girly no matter what. Bracelets automatically make me think of Madonna, so unless you are a material girl they are a no-no. Necklaces are very tricky. Mr. T wore a multitude of necklaces at once, but I pity the fool who would complain to Mr. T about his fashion choices. And I don't care who's ass you can kick, if you are a man wearing a choker you are a girl. My jewelry rule is much like my cleavage rule: if you are showing more than me, you are more of a girl than me.

Boys wearing eyeliner

It is not as if boys wearing eyeliner is exactly new. Punk and Goths have been wearing it since the late seventies and possibly before. Guyliner as a statement of rebellion (or a constant state of forlorn-ness) has its place, I guess. But more recently, boys have been wearing eyeliner to make their eyes "pop!!". Take for example Nestor Carbonell*, an actor on Lost. I know what you are thinking: "All actors wear makeup, he does not count". And if we were talking about say George Clooney, or someone of the sort, I would agree. But we are not. Most of the actors on Lost are covered in dirt and sweat 99% of the time, but nary a one is wearing guyliner. Except for Carbonell. We are talking about a guy who is portraying someone living on a magical island with limited supplies and lots of heat and water. Heat and water are not friends of eyeliner, yet his eyeliner never runs or smears. He also wears it when not on set. I think he may have gotten the makeup tattoo! Getting perma-guyliner is taking girly to a whole new level.

And while I'm on the topic of boys wearing eyeliner, I have to bring up Pete Wentz*. He seems to be everywhere and I have never seen him sans liner. I think he's in some band. I don't know what kind of music he plays, but I know he is not a member of The Cure. Therefore, the only explanation I can come up with is that he is a girl. And if you are a boy wearing eyeliner, you are a girl as well.

*I know I promised early on to keep my subjects identities secret. I intend to do that still, but since these boys are famous I figure they are used to being called out. I promise to try to keep my call outs to a minimum.

Boys with Bags

I was waiting for my tacos at a restaurant yesterday and noticed that the older man across from me was carrying a man bag (aka a purse). Not a satchel, backpack or briefcase - a man bag. Now, girls have reasons for carrying purses. We need a place to put tampons and lip gloss and not all of our clothes have pockets. Men do not need tampons and most tend to stay away from the lip gloss. Also, their clothes come equipped with very useful pockets. Now, the man in question had a cell phone holder on his belt and a wallet in his back pocket. Obviously, there is only one possible explanation for this phenomenon. He is a girl.

Boys showing cleavage

I should not have to point out the problem with the boy in the picture, but incase you don't see it, here goes: boys should never, EVER wear deep v-neck shirts. My rule of thumb is that if a boy is showing more cleavage than me, he is more of a girl than me.

Boys with matching bathroom accoutrement

This was surprising to me as I have not seen it firsthand, but according to a very reliable source boys are now decorating their bathrooms. Matching towels folded just so, coordinated with the toothbrush holder, which is the same shade as the soap dish, and all accessories match the shower curtain. The bathroom in question had perfectly folded full-sized towel topped with a perfectly folded hand towel and topped with a perfectly folded face towel. The towels in question were clean. Since I did not see this for myself, I will assume that all of the surfaces were immaculate as well.

These boys are single. The bathroom is not the public house bathroom but a personal private bathroom. Maybe mom decorated the bathroom for him? Either way, that is some girly shit.

Boys giving out their numbers/waiting for girls to call.

Let's say you are a single girl. You go to a bar/club/coffee shop/restaurant/ etc. You meet a single guy who seems normal/heterosexual/interesting/attractive/ etc. You have a lovely conversation with the aforementioned guy and at the end of the night you exchange numbers. Now, considering that you are a girl you might go home a give him a few days to call you. At the end of 2 or 3 days you may begin to wonder why he has not called. Maybe you call him and maybe you don't. Chances are if you call him, you will find out that he was waiting for YOU to call.

I think women should ask men out and call men on their own terms. I also think men should appreciate when a woman makes an effort to show a man she finds him attractive. With that being said, it seems that boys have given up the man's role altogether. They WILL NOT call a girl first and wait for the girl to make the first move. It's like boys have been watching movies from the 50's and taking their modern dating cues from demure girls. Apparently boys think it is attaractive to let the girls do all the work. When did it become standard practice for boys to wait for girls to make their intentions known in the world of dating? I'll tell you when: when boys became the new girls.

Boys going to the spa.

Not the shady 24 hour "adult massage" spa, but the mani/pedi, facial,and tanning GIRL spa. I personally know a guy who had a facial. He shall remain nameless (after all this is research and subjects' true identities will not be exposed), but I can tell you he is straight, 29 years old, and was in the Army. THE ARMY!! Isn't the Army supposed to take boys and turn them into tough, rugged fighters? By all accounts the Army is not a place for girls. In fact, I think if you join the Army and you have a vagina they issue a strap-on to make you more manly (this is just hear-say, of course). So why would a boy who has had specific training on how to be the manliest of men get a facial? Was he worried about zits, wrinkles, and sunspots? Was his skin tone uneven? Maybe. I think my conclusion is much closer to the truth: boys are the new girls.

You may think this particular boy is an anomaly. You would be wrong. I know a few boys who have had mani/pedi's and I know even more boys who have visited tanning beds. Please do not make the mistake of thinking that I do not appreciate a man who is well groomed. Grooming is important and necessary. However, if a boy spends more time in a spa than I do and receives treatments that only the girliest of girls request, then that boy is a girl.

Introduction

This blog is dedicated to the scientific (and by scientific I mean speculative and catty) discussion of a growing trend among males: they are becoming girls. I don't mean becoming girls in the literal sense; they are not having sex change operations or cross-dressing (well maybe some are, but those are not the boys being referred to in this blog). The boys discussed here are becoming girls in their reactions to situations, their mannerisms, their grooming habits, their emotional outbursts... The list goes on. The behavioral change is such a growing phenomenon that I would like to put fourth a hypothesis: boys are the new girls.


I intend to flesh out my hypothesis with examples of the shift in future posts. It is possible that in the near future phrases like "He cried like a little GIRL when his football team lost" will be replaced with "He cried like a little BOY when his football team lost". I suggest that heterosexual males roughly between the ages of 21-40 exhibit the greatest displays of girly behavior. By girly, I mean little girl. As in the kind of behavior you would expect from girls ages 7-16.


I realize this kind of forward thinking may be shocking to some, but in the end I think we will all be wiser and better informed about this alarming trend.