Boys wearing nail polish

I have commented in a previous post about boys getting their "nails did". Let's ignore the dreaded MANicure for a minute. I want to discuss boys wearing nail polish seemingly of their own accord and obviously not applied by a professional. I have noticed several boys with polish. Some colored, some clear, all girly. These boys look like their little sisters played makeover while said boy was passed out on the couch (probably watching America's Next Top Model, but that is sheer speculation).

So why would a boy paint his nails? Maybe he has some weird nail infection that requires covering? Maybe he likes the smell of nail polish and remover? I doubt it. I suspect boys wearing nail polish are actually girls.

Boys wearing skinny jeans

Take a good look at the photo above. This guy is wearing multiple bracelets, white shoes (i'm hoping this was taken before Labor Day) and skinny jeans. These are all things that girls do. He has successfully avoided the mamal toe, (man camel toe for those who have not heard the term) but that is the only thing he has done right. I bet if we could see his hair, he would have the Carol Brady haircut as well.

There are many reasons for girls to wear skinny jeans like showing off legs or ass or both. I can't think of any reason boys should be wearing skinny jeans. Apparently Jay-Z has taken notice of this trend and so eloquently said "can't wear skinny jeans cus my knots don't fit". His comment leads me to wonder: where do you put your boy bits in skinny jeans? If your junk is small enough to fit into skinny jeans then maybe you actually are a girl.

Boys at the club

This should probably be multiple posts but since I witnessed this behavior in one specific place last night I'm condensing to one post. The boys I am about to describe were on tail patrol. These boys did not look like hardened criminals to me, but the serious desperation for any kind of female attention would lead one to believe they had been locked up for the past 10 years. I had to tell the same guy NO on 2 separate occasions. So, assuming that their main reason for venturing out to a club was to either meet a girl to date, or sleep with, or both, consider the following:

A. Boys wearing shiny/bedazzled shirts- I kid you not, there was a boy wearing a bedazzled shirt. That makes him a very specific kind of girl: the kind of girl who makes crafts with a Bedazzler. I know you can picture that girl. If your shirt is made out of a metallic fabric, has metallic fabric swatches strategically placed, or is encrusted with jewels of any sort, that shirt is gay (no, I don't care how much you paid for it); AND if you are wearing said shirt as straight man, that makes you a girl.

B. Boys dancing like girls- This was an earlier post, but it deserves to be revisited. Go watch a Chris Brown video and learn how to at least look smooth while you dance. STOP copying Britney Spears dance moves. Now. If you are shaking your ass more than I am, you are more of a girl than I am.

C. Boys drinking girly cocktails- There are certain drinks that are considered girl drinks. I think a good rule is that if it is pink and served with cherries it is a girl drink. If you are a boy ordering a pink drink with cherries in it, you better be buying that drink for a girl.

How, I wonder, do any of these boys ever expect to pick up a girl if they are behaving this way? As far as I could tell, all of the boys discussed above went home alone. Let that be a lesson to all you boys hoping to get laid by a girl at a bar. If you want to attract girls, act like a man.

Boys wearing pink

I came across this photo while reading one of my lovely subscriber's blog. This guy is a douchebag for many reasons, but I would argue that wearing 2 kinds of pink makes him not only a douchebag but also a girl. He might be one step away from wearing his girlfriend's lip gloss to make his lips "pop". I'm just sayin'.

For the record, pink is a girl color. Always. Pink ties are girly. Pink shirts are girly. Pink pants are girly. There is no pink clothing item that can be worn by a man and be considered manly. If you are a man who wears pink for any reason, I think the reason must be that you are a girl.