Boys at the club

This should probably be multiple posts but since I witnessed this behavior in one specific place last night I'm condensing to one post. The boys I am about to describe were on tail patrol. These boys did not look like hardened criminals to me, but the serious desperation for any kind of female attention would lead one to believe they had been locked up for the past 10 years. I had to tell the same guy NO on 2 separate occasions. So, assuming that their main reason for venturing out to a club was to either meet a girl to date, or sleep with, or both, consider the following:

A. Boys wearing shiny/bedazzled shirts- I kid you not, there was a boy wearing a bedazzled shirt. That makes him a very specific kind of girl: the kind of girl who makes crafts with a Bedazzler. I know you can picture that girl. If your shirt is made out of a metallic fabric, has metallic fabric swatches strategically placed, or is encrusted with jewels of any sort, that shirt is gay (no, I don't care how much you paid for it); AND if you are wearing said shirt as straight man, that makes you a girl.

B. Boys dancing like girls- This was an earlier post, but it deserves to be revisited. Go watch a Chris Brown video and learn how to at least look smooth while you dance. STOP copying Britney Spears dance moves. Now. If you are shaking your ass more than I am, you are more of a girl than I am.

C. Boys drinking girly cocktails- There are certain drinks that are considered girl drinks. I think a good rule is that if it is pink and served with cherries it is a girl drink. If you are a boy ordering a pink drink with cherries in it, you better be buying that drink for a girl.

How, I wonder, do any of these boys ever expect to pick up a girl if they are behaving this way? As far as I could tell, all of the boys discussed above went home alone. Let that be a lesson to all you boys hoping to get laid by a girl at a bar. If you want to attract girls, act like a man.

Boys dancing like girls

I like a man who can dance. I find it endearing. But much like music, there is boy dancing and girl dancing. Boys can do a number of dances which are not inherently girly. However, I have noticed more and more boys throwing caution to the wind and shaking their asses like salt shakers. These were not men doing a salsa routine with a woman, these were boys alone on the dance floor shaking what their mama gave them. Here is a tip boys: swiveling your hips while waving your hands in the air is a girl dance. And it is not even a very good one. If these boys are at the club trying to pick up girls while imitating girly dances I have to ask: are they trying to pick up lesbians? Because, seriously, no self respecting girl will be wooed by a boy who steals her dance moves.